“Recommended Reading for Parents, part 1″

ADD & Autism

• Growing an In-Sync Child--Carol Kranowitz, M.A. and Joye Newman, M.A.
• The Out-Of Sync Child--Carol Stock kranowitz, M.A.
• The Out-of-Sync Child has Fun--Carol Stock Kranowitz, M.A.
• Love and Logic Solutions for Kids with Special Needs--David Funk
• The ADHD-Autism Connecttion--Diane M. Kennedy
• ADHD--Paul H. Wender, M.D.
• Healing ADD: The Breadthrough Program That Allows You To See and Heal the 6 Types of ADD--Daniel G. Amen, M.D.
• Autism Life Skills--Chantal Sicile-Kira
• Overcoming Autism--Lynn Kern Koegel, Ph.D. and Claire LaZebnik
• 1001 Great Ideas for Teaching and Raising Children with Autism or Asperger's--Ellen Notbohm and Veronica Zysk
• Animals in Translation--Temple Grandin and Catherine Johnson
• Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships--Dr. Temple Grandin and Sean Barron

Specialty

• Parenting Your Out-of-Control Child--George M. Kapalka, Ph.D.,ABPP
• Freeing Your Child From Anxiety--Tamar E. Chansky, Ph.D.
• The Defiant Child: A Parent's Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder--Dr. Douglas A. Riley

Safety & Personal-Protection

• Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)--Gavin DeBecker
• The Gift of Fear--Gavin DeBecker
• Fear Less--Gavin DeBecker

Teens & Preteens

• Your Ten-to Fourteen Year-Old--Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D., Frances L. Ilg, M.D. and Sidney M. Baker, M.D.
• Preteen Wise--Gary Ezzo, M.A. and Robert Bucknam, M.D.

Girls

• Girlosophy--Anthea Paul

General

• Parenting with Love and Logic--Foster Cline M.D. and Jim Fay
• Parenting Teens with Love and Logic--Foster Cline M.D.and Jim Fay
• Taking the Stress out of Raising Great Kids--Jim Fay, Charles Fay Ph.D. and Foster Cline M.D
• More Ideas About Parenting with Less Stress--Jim Fay, Charles Fay Ph.D.and Foster Cline M.D.
• The New Birth Order Book--Dr. Kevin Leman
• Your One Year Old--Louise Ames, Frances Ilg
• Your Two-Year Old--Louise Ames, Frances ilg, Carol Haber
• Your Three year Old--Louise Ames, Frances Ilg, Carol Haber
• Your Four Year Old--Louise Ames, Frances Ilg
• Your Five Year Old--Louise Ames, Frances Ilg, Carol Haber, Betty David
• Your Six Year Old--Louise Ames, Frances Ilg
• Your Seven Year Old--Louise Ames, Frances Ilg, Carol Haber
• Your Eight Year Old--Louise Ames, Frances Ilg, Carol Haber
• Your Nine Year Old--Louise Ames, Frances Ilg, Carol Haber
• Raising a Sensory Smart Child--Lindsey Biel, M.A., OTR/L and Nancy Peske

10 Questions to Ask When Choosing a Martial Art School

Choosing a Martial Art school may seem like an intimidating task at first.  These 10 questions will relieve that pressure, and help confirm that you're making the right choice for yourself or your child.  (We recommend printing them out, and bringing them with you for any visit to a potential Martial Art school)

1.  Do you charge belt fees/what is the fee for each promotion?

The reality is that belt fees/testing fees are a large source of income for many martial art schools.  Make sure you ask for the charge for each belt, and add them up for your TRUE cost.  It is not uncommon for schools to charge $1000 or more for advanced ranks.  This isn't good or bad, but make sure your aware of any "hidden" fees from the start, and calculate this into the total cost of lessons.

2.  How often may I (or my child) train each week?

Are you limited in the number of classes you can attend each week (maybe limited in relation to your membership dues/package)?  If you miss your 6:00pm class, is there another option waiting for you?  Is the dojo open for practice all day, everyday?  Be sure to factor in the number of available training days, while you search for your school.  Adults' & children's schedules are always changing;  what is convenient for you today may not be convenient in 3 months.

3.  Do adults & children train together?

If not, then at what age are children considered adults in their training?  Depending on your personal goals for training, it may not suit you to be paired up with a child for practice.  If your goals are only recreational, then it may not be a factor at all.

4.  Do you participate in tournaments?

Many Sport Arts (see 'What Are the Differences Between Martial Arts?') will compete in sport tournaments.  If your goal is to progress as an athlete & competitor, then tournaments are an excellent environment for honing your abilities & personal conditioning.  If you're goals is to prepare yourself for the possibility of a real-time attack (physical, psychological or emotional), then tournament-style training may encourage tunnel-vision (and other dangerous habits) in your training.  Neither is better than the other, but each is distinctly different.  Remember: real-time attacks are rarely 1-on-1, in the safety of a ring with pads.  However, traditional self-defense training may not satisfy your competitive spirit.

5.  Who teaches classes?

Are classes taught by junior instructors, or certified instructors?  An excellent idea is to ask for the experience level of each instructor (many schools now have complete biographies available for each instructor, complete with lists of accomplishments or specialties).

6.  What does the curriculum consist of?

Does the school have an established curriculum for each class, or are classes inconsistent in their structure?  Does the curriculum consist of only physical practice, or are their breathing exercises, principles, & psychological self-defense lessons worked into each class?  Again, no answer is correct or incorrect, but clarity at this stage will help identify the Martial Art best suited for your goals.

7.  What hours is the school/instructor available for questions or concerns?

Does the school have set hours for question or concerns over the phone?  Do instructors regularly check email?  Many schools now have multiple avenues for daily contact, including Facebook Pages, Twitter Accounts, Student Support Emails, & more.  Will someone be available to answer your questions when you ask them, or will you need to wait until a regular classtime to contact an instructor?

8.  Do you I need to sign a contract?

Some schools will require a commitment between 6 months to 1 year of training (any longer, and you have reason to be suspicious).  Be aware, that most schools consider these commitments to be 2-sided (meaning that the instructors are committed to your growth & advancement for the duration).  Depending on the amount of time you are committed to training, a month-to-month school may better suit your needs.  Ask about the possibility of a 'Trial Period,' as it's possible you may decide the environment isn't right your you a week into your training.

9.  What resources are available outside of regular classes?

Does the school include a curriculum manual or study-guide upon enrollment?  If you're excited about your training, you may desire to supplement your regular attendance with study-time outside of class.  Does the school offer additional resources (online articles, social websites for connecting with other students, videos, etc.)?

10.  Do you train full-contact?

An intimidating question, to be sure, but an important one.  What is the pace of regular classes, and what is the normal level of physical contact?  High intensity physical-contact may be radically inappropriate for senior citizens, children or many adults.  REMEMBER: high levels of physical contact does not mean the martial art is self-defense effective.  The effectiveness of the system has more to do the the experience of the instructor.

Again, we recommend printing this list out as a reminder to take along with you as you search for the right martial art for you.  It's important to remember that there are no correct or incorrect answers to any of these questions; nonetheless, they are important topics to consider as you search for the school that will help you reach your goals (and everyone's goals are different).

“Never Be Surprised: A Lesson”

Working for your Martial Arts mentor has its perks...

chief among them are the countless opportunities to absorb lessons in ways that most won’t understand.  I’d screwed up the paperwork.  Bad.  And I knew it.  The shipments were late, deadlines were missed.   I was left holding the responsibility.

 
He’d asked me to cover ourselves, & plan for all eventualities.  I’d rushed into the project half-cocked, and it fell apart.  I had already accepted his reprimands in my head, and I was prepared (I thought), as I stepped into his office to face the music…

 
“What will you do?!” he growled, more than asked.
Frozen, I stammered.  My eyes searched the room, convinced that the answer lay hidden beneath this or that stack of papers…  The cold edge of the knife brought me eyes back to his.  Calm.  He was…calm.

“Die.”  I sighed.  I’ll die.  And he smiled.

“Yes.  Never, never be surprised.  Period.  Think of all possibilities, go over them in your head.  Never be surprised.”  He continued.  “you watched me walk across the room, you watched me pull the knife off that wall.  You watched me.  You didn’t move, didn’t leave.”

The reality is that you’re never attacked when it’s convenient.  It doesn’t happen the way you expect it to, and it doesn’t pay to be surprised in the moment (actually, as soon as you’re surprised, you cease to operate in the moment).

The alternative – and the Warrior’s choice- is to think of all possibilities.  Work through scenarios in your head.  I’m not talking about being paranoid, you’re not worrying or assuming.  But make the decisions, create a plan of action (a flexible one), before that plan is required.  Patch the roof before it rains…